So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
