Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
