So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
This house was built for laser tag.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
