if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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