I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
