its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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