how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Randomize
