her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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