you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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