I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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