Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Khloé Kardashian Finally Speaks Out About The Tristan Thompson Cheating Scandal
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
15 Porn Memes You’re Only Allowed To Laugh At If You’re Over 18
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
