i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
