by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize