yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Best friends brother. Beat that.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
