I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
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Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
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He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Randomize