That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize
