well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
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You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
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Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
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