I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
