Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Is it penis luge time yet?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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