I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
