is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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