Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
