i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Randomize
