Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
