We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
