Moan for me like Helen Keller
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
