You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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