i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
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she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
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And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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