Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
