I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
