First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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