i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
