I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
