i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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