We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
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my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
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I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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