Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
