Small penises have feelings too.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
