Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
