dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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