Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
