Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
