Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
