6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
