What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
