I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
