there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
