Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
