We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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