elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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