Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
