I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Randomize