I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
