i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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