she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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