Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
