Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
