Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
