Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
