i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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