you have to choose: penises or morals?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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