There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
