she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
