I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Randomize
