I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
