I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
