thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
