Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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