YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
