is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Randomize
