dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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