ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
