I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
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