My Higher Power is John Stamos
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
