what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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