I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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