I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
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She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
ok first of all what the fuck
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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