My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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