I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
