great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
