awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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