if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I think a kid would responsible me up
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
