I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
