so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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