Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
