It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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