When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
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All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize