He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
