dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
